This is a post requesting comments!
I hear a lot of people saying that porn is normal, natural, and not a big deal. Men are visually stimulated, and women are emotional, so just deal with it. Well, I think that's a lame excuse. Since when are women NOT also visual? I appreciate and am turned on by the look of a sexy man just as much as any man is by a sexy woman.
I think the reality is that men like novelty. It's not that they are visual. If that were the case, they could have an album of racy photos of their significant other (or having that person actually in the room) and that would suit them just fine. They wouldn't need anything else. But internet porn brings constant novelty- a new girl at every mouse click.
Watch this great TED talk for more on that novelty and the effect it has:
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Now I want to talk about inequality. I read an article this week by a sex therapist about how to talk to your boyfriend about their porn habit. This therapist was someone who believes porn is fine, and you can never get a man to give it up. I think she's full of crap. She mentioned that asking him to give it up would be like asking you (the woman) to give up your vibrator and masturbation altogether. (In my mind I am thinking, uhhh...wouldn't you give that up anyway cause you have a sexual partner? Guess that's "old fashioned".) Then she goes on to mention that a lot of men don't like women using vibrators because it sets up "unreasonable expectations". :-o Oh my, I had to just laugh so hard! What do you think PORN is doing, genius??!! For men, they get their unreasonable expectations from movies, media, and porn. For women, theirs come from romance novels and movies (including Disney movies and other fairy tales), and vibrators.
Am I the ONLY person in this world that believes that we should be weeding all of these things out of our lives?! How about for the sake of a healthy, loving relationship, neither partner has any sexual activity outside of their partnership? And yeah, I am including self-stimulation, toys, and porn in the category of "sexual activity outside of the partnership".
Is there a way to screen people you date to find out if they are addicted to or indulge regularly in pornography? I am sick and tired of every person I date being deep into this, and having my heart ripped out when I realize that their problem was worse than I thought, or that they aren't as recovered as I thought, or that they don't actually WANT recovery or aren't ready for it. I would LOVE to have a way to weed guys out on the first couple dates so I don't even get involved with them. Porn is a total deal-breaker (and heart-breaker) to me, so I want none of it. I'm sick of this world.